Anger, and the devastating consequences on everyone around me


I am very thrilled to find this blog and to share the crippling anger that many of us, especially on this blog, go through. My friends, I have struggled with anger, rage, road rage and spontaneous burst of anger for many, many years. It has cost me my freedom in the past and indeed hurt many people along the way. I’ve went through relationships, emotionally hurt my parents and eventually pondered why. Now, I am in my 30’s and struggled with anger since my teens. Just recently, I was in an outpatient program to get to the bottom of it. Oh thank God for insurance! Now, I have a psychologist and see a psychiatrist for my diagnosis, which is Intermittent Explosive Disorder among others. I am very grateful to be treated for this, for the benefit of my family, as well as myself. I love and crave peace in my life and do what I must to have it, therefore, I spend my days indoors, away from the public. I try not to drive much for the sake of my anger being switched on and aggression taking over. It is extremely nerve racking to deal with such anger, but I am thankful for the help that I am getting and for the proper medications. The strange thing is, I love politics. Though, I avoid the interpersonal parts of debates, hence, I would have them online, but keep it on a level where I would try extremely hard to not get angry. I have always been an angry person, but never like this. I love to help people and I enjoyed going to church and praising God. I am Roman Catholic and I’ve prayed for a solution to my problem, so maybe all these medications and therapy will help. I pray that it does, for my sake because jail really sucks and I do not want to lose my family. I know that everyone gets angry from time to time, but to lose yourself completely in a rampage is never healthy. I have no friends, don’t do drugs, no bars, no parties, I’m just a deep introvert who loves to read and write and enjoy peace whenever I can have it, which I try everyday to attain it. Not being able to hold a job is very hard on me. Thankfully, my wife works so close to home and gets paid very well to maintain us….I feel for those who lose themselves in anger, it’s terrible especially on the road. When I’m driving, I do my best to not look at drivers and breath deeply whenever I get cut-off, but most of the time it doesn’t work. I really hate feeling so down about not being able to speak to someone without having the feeling if they will “set me off”. Actually, it’s pretty awful…One thing that does help, believe it or not, is a few beers, and even so, I would drink them alone and watch a good movie. I have lived in New England for about 4 years and have never been to a movie, shopping, beaches, parks because of the fear of something going wrong and losing my freedom all over again…So, again, I am extremely grateful that I found this blog because it is giving me a release, sort of. To be able to share my story with others and to say that all of us that are always angry or have the fear of becoming too angry…your not alone. I struggle with it on a daily basis, but the medications do curb the symptoms. I’ll pray for all of you that have anger issues, especially when anger management doesn’t work and you have no where else to go….I learn from my kids of the outside world and what is going on in education and my connection to others is social media and my new found love for blogging, keeping a journal and television. Anyone else have anger problems like this? Please share, so I don’t feel like I’m crazy..On a brighter note, I don’t have a crazy diagnosis. 

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About luis castillo

An introvert who enjoys reading, writing and journal entry and recently picked up iphoneography along the way. My "Walls of Solitude" is my sanctuary and where most, if not all of my writings scream through my fingertips.
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