We all know this already, but how much violence, is too much violence? We see it, in video games, television, movies and just about anywhere that two or more people, just lose their sense of peace. It’s a damn shame, to have to teach our children, to avoid such hostilities, but then again, we live in a hostile world. I feel that, a person gets angry, but can somewhat contain themselves appropriately and eventually calm down. But, what about those of us who suffer greatly because of anger and take medications, to try to curb the intensity. I have a very intense form of anger, but don’t conform myself or identify myself in any way, to “The Hulk”. I have learned that it really can be debilitating on all those around me and can get pretty scary. The overwhelming sensation of heat, the clammy hands, the intense pounding and increased heart beat, that feel it’s going to burst out of my chest. It’s one thing, to get angry, when you’re in a position to get angry because an individual has offended you, but it’s quite another, to get that feeling, when it’s a person that has no connection to you. Does that make sense?…If someone is in danger, I feel as if I’m in danger. If they feel they are angry, I get angry. I’ll just say that I’m all over the place…so my medications do need to be increased to a higher dosage. Therefore, it is extremely necessary for me, to be indoors and away from the general public. My last job, was this past November 2012, and I worked alone, but quit for the sake of my kids not being able to progress because of the lack of parental supervision and help with homework. Luckily, my wife works a mere 3 miles from home and my job was over 50 miles away. Speaking of 50 miles away, driving has become almost a nightmare, with the constant aggressive driving of others, I feel that I get extremely worked up, for someone else’s actions behind the wheel…I am, in all sincerity, a mess. I am so thankful to God, that I am not an extrovert…indeed, it would be disastrous. I seldom drive anymore because of the fears of my reactions. It is, evermore frightening when I have my wife and kids with me, so it’s a form of interior battle with myself…You can say it, I’m just completely….let’s say screwed and that’s obviously putting it nicely. I sincerely know that I need all the help I can get, and am getting it, for the sake of myself and my family….
Being able to truly and freely write all this out, is very comforting because I know that I’m not alone. Their are so many out there, that I can relate to and appreciate them for their generosity in telling their stories. Because, I know I’m not completely well, at least I know that I can share this with others, that, like me, can definitely appreciate sincere writing and to say, that help is out there and blogging about it, is a great way in starting the healing process.