Anger! That feeling that can destroy a life, in a split second


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It’s my worst fear and my best friend. How else can I put it? It’s great in conflict, but the worst in a calm environment. I hate being angry much of the time because of the headaches, the overwhelming heat that surrounds me, the anxiousness of not being able to contain my next move or words that escape my mouth. Why Lord? Why put me through this agony? I ask this question to myself often. It truly is agonizing and painful. My anger is more like a stick of dynamite, in a sealed box. My nerves are always on edge and I’m always a spark away, from full-blown maniac….

Lord, I don’t need this, no one needs this emotion, to this extent! I describe my anger like “The Hulk”, but don’t perceive myself as a Marvel character, I’m too old for that stuff, but it does make for a good movie. Though, the anger of Dr. Banner and I have one thing in common, neither him nor I can control the outburst nor the consequences. It’s my reality and my goodness, does it have me and it has me wrapped up.

Medications and prayer, with support from my family, is all I have….ok, well, I have my writings also. It gets really hard to look anger in the face. I describe it as the unbeatable part of my being, that is the worst part of myself. It usually works against me and puts others at risk. It really does put me in a state of fear, when I get angry, therefore, I stay indoors. How does that work? When a person gets angry, they’re overwhelmed by that emotion of harming others. I get that way, but a side of fear also. It’s a strange, horrible feeling of losing myself. Law enforcement, handcuffs, courts, court officers scares the crap out of me. Does anyone else feel this way? I would love to get some feedback cause I feel like I’m the only one. Everyone, I mean everyone gets angry. Who doesn’t, but is this necessary?. I’ll be perfectly honest, I’ve always had rage, always, but not like this. It really is debilitating.

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About luis castillo

An introvert who enjoys reading, writing and journal entry and recently picked up iphoneography along the way. My "Walls of Solitude" is my sanctuary and where most, if not all of my writings scream through my fingertips.
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12 Responses to Anger! That feeling that can destroy a life, in a split second

  1. mrphilgru says:

    In my opinion, if your anger doesn’t scare the heck out of your kids and wife, then it’s not a bad quality at all. I was raised in a female family, and trust me, not having a male who is ready to turn into a bloody-eyed bull the moment someone dares to intimidate or harass your loved ones is tough at times.
    We live in a barely civilized world. Technology evolved way too fast for human nature, morale principles and spirituality. Basically, we live among aggressive, hostile and dangerous apes. It doesn’t mean a man has to walk around with weapons for everyone to fear him. Control is the key word here. Choose your fights wisely. Sometimes it is wiser to let people be and walk your way. Sometimes you have to demonstrate force.
    Children have a talent for making parents highly irritable. Think of it this way – if your kid gets on your nerves, give him attention. Sometimes, children adopt nasty habits just to attract parents’ attention. Initially, it is love they want. When they can’t get it the easy way, they start misbehaving to at least be yelled at. For both children and adults, negative attention is better than no attention at all. When I come across a person who provokes me with arrogance, flagrance, whatever, I try to stay away, because I realize – this person did not get enough love and care from his parents when he was a child. He developed this pattern of attracting at least negative response. People can’t stand being ignored. Hell, even pets can’t stand that.
    Do you have anger management system? Does exercise help? I love water and swimming. It takes a load of negative charge away when done regularly.

    • I see you point, and point well taken. I can’t get anywhere because of the chance of becoming angry. Everything gets me angry. I took anger management classes years ago and only succeeded in making me more angry. Go figure! It is reasons like this, that I do my very best, to stay indoors and enjoy the beautiful scenery, from my windows….I really appreciate your feedback, thank you so much 😊

      Sent from my iPhone

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      • mrphilgru says:

        Dig deeper. The initial cause of your anger can be found and dealt with, but you’ll have to touch your core or maybe face past situations you would like to forget. Easier said than done, yeah. Contemporary psychotherapy is a mockery of human soul. You can’t heal a soul with drugs. I must apologize if this comment may sound offensive to you, I do not mean any offense. But very few psychological schools can do without drugs. It is just business. Pharmaceutical business, second to weapons only.

      • No offense taken. I don’t so drugs, I used to smoke weed, but who hasn’t tried it. Ever since my anger got out of control, I’ve stopped that and won’t touch liquor. I take a medication for sleep, to keep me asleep throughout the night, but other than that, I don’t take anything else. As for getting to the source of my anger, it deals with childhood and some occasions during my teens. But to face those problems, with the people that made me this way, would be drastic, hence, my writings on anger.

        Sent from my iPhone

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      • mrphilgru says:

        You like reading and probably you have a long queue of books you plan to read in the near future. If I may suggest one or two that helped me personally on the issues we just touched, let me know.

      • That would be nice. I’m actually in the middle of reading “Quiet”, from Susan Cain. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. But yes, of course, let me of a book or two…or three, to read. My library continues to grow, since I don’t really go out much. When I’m done with “Quiet”, I would definitely look into your suggested books πŸ˜ƒ

        Sent from my iPhone

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  2. mrphilgru says:

    oops, I just meant to send the links, not the entire book covers. Please, delete my previous post.

  3. joegergen says:

    You could try the practice of letting go, or meditation as they call it. In practicing meditation you build skills that help you let unwanted thoughts go when they come. There are many resources out there for this that may be worth pursuing. I wish you success.

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