It seems my life is more vivid, during my sleep, than it is while I’m awake. In my dreams, I see, feel, encounter, cry, scream, touch and taste everything. It is truly horrifying, to have such things play out in my subconscious. Is it from guilt? Is it from experiences, I haven’t experienced yet? What ever it is, it’s a daily occurrence and it is frightening. It is like being within myself, in a dream, thinking of a dream inside of another dream. It must be during that REM sleep that this occurs. Gladly, I wake up because, like I said, it is frightening. So frightening, that I wake up sweating through my t-shirt. Being able to feel the time of year, the breezes, and the touch of another is weird enough, but to look into the eyes of another and contemplate what they’re thinking, during my sleep is interesting, but very much eccentric.
Every single one of my dreams, is a nightmare…a nightmare of what may soon come, because everything that I endure during that time, hasn’t happened yet. It is a look into a future, that I hope will never come to pass. I wake up from sleep, pondering all these thoughts because, they stay with me…I do not forget. I can easily recall every encounter and conversation I have during that time. While I’m awake, my life consists of housework, taking care of the kids, and writing…but, I’m becoming hesitant of sleeping for long periods of time, for the fear of my “vivid life of Hell” comes to pass. It is truly scary to go through this, on a daily basis.