Growing up, it was all about what I wanted to do. Do this, do that…go here, go there. I thought the purpose of life was to be a better person, finish school, get a great job and start a family…let’s not forget the American dream of owning your very own home. Now, this was all my thought process was about, but like many, it was for them also. I thought it was a difficult, but a process within reach.
So, I tried my best, to fulfill a dream, that wasn’t mine to complete. I walked around and did everything I wanted because it satisfied my agenda. When we’re young, we did what we pleased and rarely thought about the consequences. I ask myself, “Why couldn’t I have learned about God sooner, and why couldn’t He have intervened a long time ago”? It seems I wasn’t meant to have Him all those years ago. I suppose His time was when He saw fit to acknowledge me and sought me out. It wasn’t till Blessed Pope John Paul II passed away, that I felt sorrow for the church and for all that is holy. But not until mid November of 2012, I strongly felt my calling to the church. I am still in the midst of a trial, is taking it’s toll on me, but I must weather it and persist against this trial. He is indeed testing my faith in Him right now and it’s very difficult.
He is, without a doubt, testing the faith of many at this point in time. The warmongerings of the world is explicitly showing it. The last, great hope, that is the U.S.A, (the last hope of freedom), is becoming more of a socialist country by the day. President Obama declaring Catholicism an extremist organization, and Catholic Chaplains are told not to practice their faith in the military. It’s pure madness.
Even as Jesus was born with no sin, He was still tempted and did not fall. But for us, we are born as sinners and it’s even harder to resist temptations. I guess I’m glad He showed me, that I am an introvert for a reason and it wasn’t just me picking this lifestyle. I thought I wanted to become a deacon and get into the lay Carmelites, and He pulled me out of both. Maybe it wasn’t my calling to be within the church, but He is definitely leading me somewhere. I take life day by day and let Him guide my steps because if my agenda didn’t work out for me, than this must be His agenda for me, to be in solitude, while practicing the Word of God. Thanks be to God, for having me dwell in a place where I’m surrounded by nature’s beauty.