Is it just me or are the days going by so much faster! I know it gets darker sooner, but keeping myself busy with cleaning, the kids, spending time with my wife and contemplating my return to the Church, it’s pretty clear that 2013 is coming to a close soon. During the early morning hours, I always take a look outside my kitchen window and see the woods that I’ve come to enjoy everyday. But, it really does boggle my mind, that were all those trees planted hundreds of years ago, or was it Gods plan to have them there. Granted, I live in a rural area, and let me just say, it’s very soothing living amongst nature. I’m indoors for so long, that when I do step outside, it feels very wary. For the past few days, I’ve been putting up photos from my iphone and it’s been great and fun. But, in doing so, I found myself being pulled toward God. That subtle nudging that is just getting to me. The priest from my parish called and wondered why I haven’t attended lately and I haven’t attended meetings at the Carmelites in three months.
I finished reading Susan Cain’s “Quiet” a few days ago. It was a very good read and very informative and true. I’m glad to know that while reading that book, I learned much about myself and one of my kids also. He is much an introvert like me. Now, I’ve picked up Bill O’Reilly’s “Killing Jesus”, and it’s pretty intense so far.
Every time I get despaired and feel pulled away from God and search for answers, but I always feel pulled back to God somehow. Why is that? I believe in God and Jesus’ ministry, but sometimes other answers are so much easier to except, especially when evil is much more obvious than peace. I completely understand about money and God and how we can’t serve both. I believe that to be true, for it doesn’t seem right for a person of God to be driving the most expensive car and have the biggest place. It is, in being humble, charitable, and to seek peace for all of us.
I always find it very difficult to live in the state of mind that I should be, which is to do everything for God and to think before I speak. It’s easier said than done when I’m with extremely close friends and family, but it’s another with the outside world, that all that eventually happens, is the hostility that would ensue if we manage to make someone mad. I finally knew that to be a Deacon and be an introvert is doable, but would be extremely hard and I’ll leave it to God to decide if that is what He wants of me. For my religious order, I knew Satan was behind not letting me attend meetings, by circumstances that were not in my control. The closer I get to God, the more Satan tries to stop me.
It’s a very scary world, that I see anyway, but I also see that believers of Jesus Christ are either diminishing in numbers, or they’re afraid of saying that they are. I most definitely believe that Satan and/or his demons try to interfere in our lives, to do the wrong thing. Things that we want to have and wished that we had, are things that he feeds upon and makes us miserable to try to achieve them.
All of us have fallen into hard times before and it really does take command of how we act and feel, but once we have beaten it and moved passed it, it feels great and we wonder how we got through it. For some, they may feel as if they overcame it on their own and some thank God for the grace to overcome it. That’s the difference. We either follow God or follow the world, God or Money, Greed vs. Humble. It’s a great concept and one we should all live by and most of us do live by that.
Life is very hard and it’s an everyday battle to do what we think is right and avoid what we know is wrong. But, the times when it’s right in front of our faces…it’s decision time, the test of faith. We may fall into temptation, but try to realize, that it’s in the temptation, that the test of faith is upon us. Much prayer is needed!